September 23rd: Second Chemo Treatment Day
The day began on a difficult note. I woke up twice during the night—first at 1:30 AM and then again at 4:30 AM—both times with severe throat pain. Knowing it would be a long day, I made an early start and was determined to eat well despite the discomfort. I performed my mouth rinses, hoping to ease the pain, and although the process was laborious, I managed to get some food down.
Coaching Session and Initial Relief
I was looking forward to a coaching session with my fellow PQ Coach, Tina, prior to heading to the hospital. Unfortunately, she had to address an urgent personal matter. Just as we were getting into the car, Tina called and asked how she could support me. I shared with her that my tongue felt like an “albatross” in my mouth. She then guided me through a brief Somatic coaching session, lasting about five to seven minutes. Tina encouraged me to focus on and become curious about the sensations in my mouth. As she guided my breathing and curiosity, I noticed my tongue began to soften, pulling away from the roof of my mouth and providing some relief from the pain.
Self-Reflection and Empathy
As I continued to reflect, I experienced a significant realization. I had been carrying a lot of angst and frustration in my mouth due to my ongoing struggles with eating and speaking clearly. I noticed that I was judging my tongue, feeling both angry and sad that it wasn’t functioning as it should.
Suddenly, I understood: my poor tongue! What it needed most from me was empathy, love, and understanding. Cancer cells had invaded my tongue, impairing its ability to work. Radiation treatments were now causing open sores. Despite all this trauma, I was still demanding my tongue do the hard work of getting food past my throat.
This insight helped me realize that the empathy I was extending to my tongue and mouth also needed to be directed toward myself. Being angry and upset about my situation was not helping. Instead, I needed to be more empathetic and kinder to myself—a challenging task, as self-empathy has never been my strong suit. Yet, I believe this is one of the gifts I am meant to learn from this experience.
Progress and Pain Management
Since I started practicing more empathetic thoughts toward my tongue, and with improved pain control through medication, my distress about eating has eased somewhat. This shift has made a noticeable difference in how I manage my symptoms and overall well-being.