Discerning between Self empathy and love and Self Pity
During a recent visit, the dental hygienist Stacy shared a motivating note from Dr. Banerjee, who had set a clear goal on my medical form: to cure my cancer. Stacy pointed out that not every patient receives such an optimistic prognosis, and she often senses who will overcome their diagnosis based on their mindset and outlook.
She spoke candidly about how many patients struggle with motivation and mental health following a cancer diagnosis. For some, routines like oral care start to feel pointless, as they begin preparing for the worst. “Why bother?” they ask, resigning themselves to putting their affairs in order. I assured Stacy that I intend to be among those who persevere, fully aware of the importance of maintaining a positive mindset.
Yet, I have learned that sustaining hope is not always easy. Tears have become a more frequent companion since my diagnosis—not only from sadness, but also from the effort to accept and acknowledge my emotions. There is much to grieve through this illness, and part of healing is accepting and letting go of what is being lost. Sometimes, this means facing physical changes head-on. For example, just this morning I noticed my weight has dropped about five pounds below my usual 140. The loss is real —“Say Goodbye to my B Cups.” I expected some weight loss, but it’s a challenge to stay within Dr. Banerjee’s recommended five-percent limit, and there are still weeks of treatment ahead.
When these emotions surface, I allow myself to feel them. After my tears, Darcy made me a high-calorie smoothie to help keep my strength up. Each day, I strive to distinguish self-empathy from self-pity, nurturing hope rather than despair. Ultimately, this journey is about mindset—having faith in recovery and believing I will overcome both cancer and its treatments.